I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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