I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
