You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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