the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
