Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
