Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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