You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
