she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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