our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
