Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
