I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
