In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
