i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
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