There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
