Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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