just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
