We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
