mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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