i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
