dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
