Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
