Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
