If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Damn victory sex feels great
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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