Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
