Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
