babies were throwing up all over the place
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
