We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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