Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
