i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
