Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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