our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
