The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The beer is more important than you right now.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
