Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
