so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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