God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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