Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
