We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
