Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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