just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
