doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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