My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
