I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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