if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
