i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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