I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
