The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
