so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i will never coherently bang her
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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