and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
