this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
