watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So squirting runs in the family.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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