Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
