my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I AM VODKA MAN
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
