I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
