dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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