I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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