apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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