ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
