What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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