marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
