I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
What drink are we having for lunch?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
