I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
