That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
