I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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