i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
