At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
