just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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